i'm a liar and that's a lie.it's not raining tonight, and i don't have to run my insecurities away tomorrow morning. i'm not a blue-haired, blonde-eyed girl, and no, i'm dyslexic not.i'm a liar and that's a lie.
the moon tonight is not a new moon, and the stars aren't twinkling because i want them to. i didn't forget how to hold my breath because i don't remember how to distinguish if something is beautiful or not anymore.
i didn't just write a poem. (and it certainly wasn't a terrible one!) i haven't drunk too much water today, and i'm not as good a liar as i thought. it's not raining tonight.
| I've been through the state of thinking too much... I've been through the state of being paranoid, haha that was fuckin awesome! I've been through the state of fearlessness, I've been through the state of constant fear and anxiousty, I seduced and kissed a stranger at a museum, I've been a freak, I've been hated, that I ignored I've been loved, that I hated. I always get what I want, never what I need: that I push away. I've kissed my highest dream but that was no good because reality seemed to leave me alone, it felt like watching some other bitch kissing him. Once upon a time, I was caring... chasing devils left me with one single way to escape. My survival depended on my ability to perform self-destruction on my pattern of thoughts, this destruction turned out a success, and this is what will be the leading factor for how long my stay on this so-called earth will become. I'm gonna live a long selfish life like everybody else! I hate everybody that make no effort in hiding the sides of their personality which I myself struggle so hard with destroying. (Think about it, I am sure you do too) So many times I thought I loved somebody, but every time it turned out to be nothing but a desire to get a share of something I desired in my "love". The innocence, the simplicity, forgive me... I do my best trying to be honest to those I think deserves it... and hiding the truth whenever that is necessary I do my best, trying to worry about how my school results turn out. I do my best, trying to cry in funerals. I do my best trying not to laugh when somebody get's hurt in a funny way. I do my best trying not to look serious and bored in interaction with uninteresting people. I pretend to be laughing with people, not at them. Have people ever thought seriously about the absurd advise "be yourself"? Still people claim that I'm normal... |
The Warfare of Passion
